Violence is not constant in many abusive relationships. The cycle of violence has three stages. During the course of a relationship, this cycle can happen once or five hundred times. The length of time that each stage takes also varies from an hour to many years.
Three emotions fuel this cycle: love, hope, and fear. The victim loves their partner and sometimes experiences love and kindness in return. The victim has hope and believes that their partner can change. Lastly, the victim fears their partner from the past abuse.
Not all abusive relationships follow this cycle. When violence escalates, often the seduction and tension building stages disappear.
Incident Stage
- A major incident erupts in the form of physical, verbal, and/or emotional violence
Seduction Stage
- Reconciliation
- Relationship becomes "good"
- Abuser buys gifts
- Abuser is loving, helpful, kind, and caring
- Abuser asks for forgiveness
- Abuser promises it will never happen again
- Abuser blames victim
- Abuser denies and minimizes abuse
- Victim "forgets" incident
- Victim forgives abuser
- No abuse is taking place
Tension Building Stage
- Tension builds
- Minor incidents and controlling behavior emerge
- Communications breakdown
- Victim placates abuser
- Victim feels like she/he is walking on "eggshells"
- Tension becomes unbearable
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